Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Award winning joke
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys areprobably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,"Do you know where God is, son?"The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,"Where is God?!"The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?"The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.
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GOD is missing, and they think we did it!
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys areprobably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,"Do you know where God is, son?"The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,"Where is God?!"The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?"The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.
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scroll down
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GOD is missing, and they think we did it!
What Kind of Pest are you.........
If you are an Ass: A very loyal and sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of them being quality-personified.
If you are a Slug: Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-together ' s. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!
If you are a Cockroach: Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well, well... hence some people could even take an advantage, flatter you to the maximum and get their work done. So be careful.....
If you are a Parasite: An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you ' re cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You ' re a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don ' t like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.
If you are a Skunk: You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You too, love peace. You wouldn ' t like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one ' s back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what the best trait of you guys remains.
If you are a Bullfrog: You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware; it is easy for you to fall in love....
If you are a Snake: You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.
If you are an Ape: Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quickly as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique..You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!
If you are a Parasite: An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you ' re cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You ' re a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don ' t like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.
If you are a Skunk: You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You too, love peace. You wouldn ' t like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one ' s back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what the best trait of you guys remains.
If you are a Bullfrog: You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware; it is easy for you to fall in love....
If you are a Snake: You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.
If you are an Ape: Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quickly as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique..You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Simple Thinking
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.
One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "Which chair?"
Not every.....
Not Every Tree can Stand Thirst
But the Cactus Did it.
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Not Every Animal can Represent a Nation
But the Lion Did it.
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Not Every Flower Can Represent Love
But Roses Did it.
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Not Every Monkey Can Read
But You Did it !!!!! Congrats!!
Breathing Therapy
Here's some health tips... It doesn't cost much to give it a try...
Tik there's some logic, cos in yoga, they teaches such breathing methods to cleanse our lungs
Health is our assets... treasure it...
Take care! ~
我們有左邊、右邊鼻孔，吸氣、吐氣時有沒有一樣？
We have left, right nose, is that the same for inhale and exhale?
其實不一樣，可以感覺不一樣；右邊等於是太陽的意思，左邊等於是月亮.
Actually they are different, can feel the difference; right side represent the sun, left side represent the moon.
平常頭痛時可以用手把右邊鼻孔關起來，只用左邊鼻孔吸氣、吐氣，約五分鐘，頭痛就好了。When having headache, try to close right nose and use your left nose to do your breathing, about 5 min, headache will be gone.
如果疲倦、累了，相反的關起左邊的鼻孔，只用右邊吸氣、吐氣，不用多久，馬上精神好起了。 If you feel tired, do it the opposite round, close your left nose and breathe through your right nose. After a while, you will feel your mind is fresh again.
因為右邊屬於火氣，比較會熱，左邊比較會涼。
Right side belongs to heat, so it gets hot easily, left side belong to cold.
女生大部分吸氣、吐氣在左邊，所以心比較會涼快。
Most of the girls breathe with their left nose, so their heart gets cold easily.
男生大部分吸氣、吐氣在右邊，所以他們比較會生氣。
Most of the guys breathe with their right nose, so they get angry easily
我們起床時，可以注意哪邊吸氣、吐氣比較快？左邊或右邊？
Do you notice the moment we wake up, which side breathes faster? Left or right?
如果左邊比較快，覺得提不起精神，可以關起左邊鼻孔，用右邊呼吸，很快的精神會好起來。
If left is faster, you will feel tired. So, close your left nose and use your right nose for breathing, you will get refresh quickly
這也可以教給小孩，大人用更好。如果你有警覺心的話，速度更快。
This can be taught to kids, but the effect will be better if apply by elders.
以前我曾經頭痛，痛得非常厲害，去看醫生，醫生說：你去結婚就好了！（眾笑）,醫生說得沒錯，他有理論根據。
I used to have headache, it was so painful, go to doctor, doctor told me: it will be all right if you married! (All audients laugh), doctor does not bullshit, what he said is supported with proofs.
當時每天晚上都頭痛，沒有辦法看書，有吃藥，也不是辦法。
That time, every night I am having headache problem, not able to study, I did take medicine, but that is not a good way.
有一天晚上靜坐，關起右鼻孔呼吸，這樣子做，不到一個禮拜，頭痛好了！持續做了一個月，從那天晚上到現在，一次也沒有頭痛過。
One night, I sit down and close my right nose and breathe with left nose, less than one week, my headache problem is gone! I continue to do it one month, from that night until today, headache does not attack me anymore.
這是我自己親身經驗過，每一次我告訴別人，你們頭痛的話，試試看，因為我的身體有效果，很多人試過也有效果。這是一種自然的處理，不像吃藥會有副作用，為什麼不用呢？
This is what I experienced myself, I told others, if headache, can try this way, because this is effective for me. Many people have tried and it works for them as well. This is a natural therapy, not like medicine, taking for long term will get side effect. So, why not try it out?
經常清楚的吸氣、吐氣，身體會覺非常輕鬆。
Always breathing your body can feel very relax.
The sentences below are some wishes from author.
Wish everyone is well and healthy, and advice people must do good and act good ....
要時時心存好意！腳走好路！身行好事，惜緣種福．．
願所有收到這封信的朋友都能平安．健康．幸福．
在這裡要送幸福給你。您收到了嗎．．至少偶爾回個訊息，讓他也知道您還在《正常呼吸》好嗎？
Tik there's some logic, cos in yoga, they teaches such breathing methods to cleanse our lungs
Health is our assets... treasure it...
Take care! ~
我們有左邊、右邊鼻孔，吸氣、吐氣時有沒有一樣？
We have left, right nose, is that the same for inhale and exhale?
其實不一樣，可以感覺不一樣；右邊等於是太陽的意思，左邊等於是月亮.
Actually they are different, can feel the difference; right side represent the sun, left side represent the moon.
平常頭痛時可以用手把右邊鼻孔關起來，只用左邊鼻孔吸氣、吐氣，約五分鐘，頭痛就好了。When having headache, try to close right nose and use your left nose to do your breathing, about 5 min, headache will be gone.
如果疲倦、累了，相反的關起左邊的鼻孔，只用右邊吸氣、吐氣，不用多久，馬上精神好起了。 If you feel tired, do it the opposite round, close your left nose and breathe through your right nose. After a while, you will feel your mind is fresh again.
因為右邊屬於火氣，比較會熱，左邊比較會涼。
Right side belongs to heat, so it gets hot easily, left side belong to cold.
女生大部分吸氣、吐氣在左邊，所以心比較會涼快。
Most of the girls breathe with their left nose, so their heart gets cold easily.
男生大部分吸氣、吐氣在右邊，所以他們比較會生氣。
Most of the guys breathe with their right nose, so they get angry easily
我們起床時，可以注意哪邊吸氣、吐氣比較快？左邊或右邊？
Do you notice the moment we wake up, which side breathes faster? Left or right?
如果左邊比較快，覺得提不起精神，可以關起左邊鼻孔，用右邊呼吸，很快的精神會好起來。
If left is faster, you will feel tired. So, close your left nose and use your right nose for breathing, you will get refresh quickly
這也可以教給小孩，大人用更好。如果你有警覺心的話，速度更快。
This can be taught to kids, but the effect will be better if apply by elders.
以前我曾經頭痛，痛得非常厲害，去看醫生，醫生說：你去結婚就好了！（眾笑）,醫生說得沒錯，他有理論根據。
I used to have headache, it was so painful, go to doctor, doctor told me: it will be all right if you married! (All audients laugh), doctor does not bullshit, what he said is supported with proofs.
當時每天晚上都頭痛，沒有辦法看書，有吃藥，也不是辦法。
That time, every night I am having headache problem, not able to study, I did take medicine, but that is not a good way.
有一天晚上靜坐，關起右鼻孔呼吸，這樣子做，不到一個禮拜，頭痛好了！持續做了一個月，從那天晚上到現在，一次也沒有頭痛過。
One night, I sit down and close my right nose and breathe with left nose, less than one week, my headache problem is gone! I continue to do it one month, from that night until today, headache does not attack me anymore.
這是我自己親身經驗過，每一次我告訴別人，你們頭痛的話，試試看，因為我的身體有效果，很多人試過也有效果。這是一種自然的處理，不像吃藥會有副作用，為什麼不用呢？
This is what I experienced myself, I told others, if headache, can try this way, because this is effective for me. Many people have tried and it works for them as well. This is a natural therapy, not like medicine, taking for long term will get side effect. So, why not try it out?
經常清楚的吸氣、吐氣，身體會覺非常輕鬆。
Always breathing your body can feel very relax.
The sentences below are some wishes from author.
Wish everyone is well and healthy, and advice people must do good and act good ....
要時時心存好意！腳走好路！身行好事，惜緣種福．．
願所有收到這封信的朋友都能平安．健康．幸福．
在這裡要送幸福給你。您收到了嗎．．至少偶爾回個訊息，讓他也知道您還在《正常呼吸》好嗎？
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Guaranteed Weight Lose !!!
A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program.
Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20pounds.
I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun. Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program.
Are you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
When I fry, they fly too.
Do you take public transport ? Have you ever waited 1/2 hr or more for the bus ? Chasing after the bus ? Bus did not stopped at your desired bus stop ? "Squashed" inside the MRT. Can't board the train though there are still space inside ?
How you felt back then. Shhhhh......don't tell me. I know exactly how you felt. First you great the driver and his poor bus the "4 Magic Words". Just in case, the driver don't understand. Some will even come with beautiful hand gestures.
I am not a perfect person and at times i might also commit the above but not to the extreme. We understand that everyone are busy at work. Everyone are rushing to work or back home with their love ones. The point is most of the time, we did not spare a thought for others.
Correct me if I'm wrong. A bus driver need to look out for oncoming traffic, safety of passengers, payment made by passengers, "bus stopping" sign etc. but we, just need to look out for that bus to come. Give that driver the benefit of doubts the next time he miss you. He could be on other tasks. He had already a long day so it wouldn't be too nice for you to great him with magical words and gestures.
There are many more things that are happening around us but hardly anyone take time to think and respond. Most of the times, we react to what we see or feel.
How do you like when others do the same on you ??? When you fry.... they fly too..... Spare some time and think through.........
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Men Never Listen ?
MEN NEVER LISTEN!!
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. 'Sir', she said' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW.. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. He was immediately knocked out by an excruciating pain.
Next thing he knew! he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. 'What happened?' he exclaimed. 'The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.''The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your testicles are now in this jar, sir.' MEN NEVER LISTEN............
Saturday, May 17, 2008
World Heroes
Earlier this month, an unwelcome villain, Earthquake violently attacked China. It came too fast and shocked China. Wiped out over millions of innocents. The pain and blood covered part of China.....And it is not going to stop there !
China Rescue Teams could no longer hold on to their grounds. The impact was way too big. The siren of help was sent out to any heroes from the world who could step forward to help. It did not took long before all these heroes came forward. Over 200 Chinese and foreign rescuers participated in an international earthquake relief exercise held here under the framework of the United Nations.
Its no longer a nation issue. Its a world concern. The world has clearly shown the villain that we may be down now but we are not going to give up without a fight back.
Friday, May 16, 2008
A.S.P.D
A.S.P.D
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Is a mental disorder defined by the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. You can find quite a lot of these in Prison.
*To make it simple, people sometimes address them as "A**hole".
Moral Courage
Moral Courage. "A seven letters word" (Bombastic)
One of those many attributes in leadership. The ability to have the guts to stand up and speak for what you believe to be right when you disagree with others, or when you discover that things are wrong or not going the way they should.
However, the bitter part of it is not everyone will love or admire your courage. Most of the times, you will end up in unnecessary arguments. To please everyone especially your supervisors is not as easy as you thought. When you have attain Moral Courage, you will be the pain in someones' ass.
As for me, I am already someones' pain in the ass.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Coming to an end or just the beginning
2ND last day of my course. The chance for my next career advancement....Maybe a new beginning.
During lunch break, someone asked me if I could see myself working in this line till retirement ? I paused.... thought about it.... "Maybe. I don't really know if this is the right job...." I replied.
Many things changed since the 1st day I joined. Its quite hard to determine if I would actually stay on for long but one thing for sure is I am reluctant to look for a new job. The process of searching through newspapers, going through interviews.... Well I guess not.
This year was different. Many people have resigned. Though it don't really affect me but somehow it set me thinking. Why I joined ?
Someone once said, "If your fire is dying off. Its time for you to move on." At times, I'm confused. Am I trying to maintain that fire or am I actually starting a new one. Its really not easy to tell......
During lunch break, someone asked me if I could see myself working in this line till retirement ? I paused.... thought about it.... "Maybe. I don't really know if this is the right job...." I replied.
Many things changed since the 1st day I joined. Its quite hard to determine if I would actually stay on for long but one thing for sure is I am reluctant to look for a new job. The process of searching through newspapers, going through interviews.... Well I guess not.
This year was different. Many people have resigned. Though it don't really affect me but somehow it set me thinking. Why I joined ?
Someone once said, "If your fire is dying off. Its time for you to move on." At times, I'm confused. Am I trying to maintain that fire or am I actually starting a new one. Its really not easy to tell......
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